Ferrum

In the sweet embrace of darkness
I hide and cry-----

Miles of endless cul-de-sacs and
steet signs-----

I don't know how long I have
been walking-----

Down this road of meandering
woes of wishful thinking----

---------Think Think Think

That's all I knew then,
but what I don't now-----

Now I know------ Finally
Of course---
Yes.....
Sure.....

There are those for those
Those are those for there

There are people who share
There are people who care

Now I know------ Finally
Of course---
Yes.....
Sure.....

There is always a reason
why a person
cries----

We
may
never
know
what----

Niobe is the only person in the
world that cries for all eternity--------------

Let the cold arms
of darkness clasp you----

Swim into that ocean of
misery you have so
created perfectly-----------

Think Think Think

No person is one person
in this world--------

No one is special----

No one is just one----

We all have our haves
and we all know each knows-------

Cry and dawdle at your own pace---
Waste your sands---
Its in your hands---

I've grown up now

I found new lands.................

Conversation

This silence kills me

Every reverberation crumples my heart------------

This requiem of insanity pierces thru my bones and flesh

My mouth and fingertips shake at the thought of them moving

As if every fiber of my being is being imbued to a single syllable

--And finally when a word is released

You look at me and I see your quizzically contorted eyes

Seconds of agony, frustration and regret pass-------------------

Your lips and your voice box vibrate my air passages unclog again and my diaphragm ascends

But I know--------

-------------Inevitably

My diaphragm would descend again and my throat would constrict and my heart would pound and my palms would sweat and my knees would wobble and my ears would ring and my eyes would stream----

So long as this wall of silence

that kills me

stands and

remains------------------------------------------

“Ah, kaya pala…”

I did it!! I’ve finally delivered my speech in my English class and even I was amazed with my own performance. Seriously, I didn’t think it would go so well, I just thought that I would deliver my speech just to be done with it. I was very, very nervous (you could ask Akie, Michel and Rose Ann… I kept making funny faces and squeezing their heads just to steady my nerves). I was supposed to rehearse my speech one last time before I left my dorm, but my friends told me not to because I would get mental block when the moment to deliver it finally arrived. So I rushed to Snappy Copy to print my Finalized Outline and headed to the classroom. All of my classmates were already there and all the speakers for the day were already dressed, except for me. I changed inside the classroom because there’s no more time and fastened my suspenders, which I borrowed from my classmate. I was actually having second thoughts whether I would use it or not because my pants kept going up or it might snap out of its place. But being the blithe person that I am, I finally decided to use them. Michel and Akie kept pulling it, hurting me in the process. But its ok, I needed that to steady my nerves. Rose Ann (the perpetual timekeeper) told me I reminded her of Richard Gere because of my clothes and said it was very cute (Thank you ‘mi laydee and thank you for the wonderfully, sinful piece of chocolate cake you gave me the other day. I enjoyed each and every bite of it; my gratitude once again)


As the first speakers delivered their piece, I took my mind off my speech so as not to disturb the already perfectly structured words and paragraphs on my head. One of the things that I was worried about was that I have never tested my PowerPoint presentation on the laptop that was used. I just saw that my slides appeared when Albert copied it but I never tested if they would actually come out the way I made them on our computer. Luckily they did come out exactly the way I wanted them to appear. And the words just flowed like a tide to the shore. After my speech, I was deluged by praises from my evaluators and to tell you the truth, that was the first happy thing that ever happened to me this new year. I said to Michel before that I have never had a euphoric day yet this year; one wherein I am not myself and is just overtaken by happiness. Now I have one!! My very first!! Hehehe. Being praised really raises your confidence to greater heights especially if the people who praise you are people whom you look up to. I received very good evaluations from my evaluators (thanks guys.. oh and gays.. haahha). When the class was over, Albert and I checked our grades and guess what I got------ 95%!!!!!! WAHUUU!! Its like, the highest grade I ever got for anything! Hahaha. I told you euphoria kicked in. One of the things that I read in Ma’m Shimamoto’s comments was well-groomed. She said I was well-groomed!! Hahaha. When I finished reading her comments, I returned it to her with a very big smile on my face and she looked at my paper again and said, “Ah, kaya pala..” and she smiled back. *sigh*. A 95% grade, praises from the people I look up to, and a smile from Ma’m Shimamoto------------- take me to the USTH I have euphoria fever!!


P.S. I would like to give my sincerest apologies to my ever darling Fafa Albert for not being able to fix your tie. Believe me; I almost threw one of my shoes out the window fixing mine. =)

Alonefulment

One of the things I hate about weekends is that there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to do. I'm stuck here at my dorm doing nothing but point and click on anything that my browser decides to show my bloody eyes. Blah. I've been up since last night marathoning F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (my favorite show) and I've realized how stupid I looked laughing alone on their crazy antics. I feel such a loser. Oh yah, me and my friends are planning on going to that kiss-anyone-you-see-when-they-tell-you-to thing sponsored by Close-Up, only we would be going to the counterpart which is Lovapa-LOZER. The other night we (my classmates and I) were discussing being single on the month of love and they all agreed that you're a loser when you don't have someone on that special day (Valentine's). Well, call me a loser all you want but I'm not going to get a girlfriend just for the sake of saying that I have one. (I know some people who would... losers) I don't know, I've never been a victim of peer pressure. I think it's the gift of literature (Angelic choir effect here). Ever since I read Harry Potter, I've discovered the magnificent world of books. The letters, phrases, dots, sentences and paragraphs formed part of who I am now. They made me understand things that were way beyond my capacity of comprehension and they helped me prepare for the worst. They made me feel that I am not alone and that there are people who also go thru harrowing experiences. They helped me mature and grow and think like an adult. Most people think that I can never be serious but the truth is, I'm a very deep person. You just have to tell me when you want me to be serious. I don't mean to brag but I've always thought that I had the mind of a 40-year old or something. I don't know. And I've been wondering why I've been from kiss-me-sugar topic to ooohh-i-can-think topic. Must be the alone-ness I'm feeling. The mind plays tricks on yah when you're alone e? Aaaannnnyyway.. Here are the things that the PC have decided to show me:

•checked my DeviantArt account----- no messages
•checked my Friendster account----- Marie added me as a friend..
•checked my YahooMail account----- emptied my frickin' Bulk Folder
•checked our batch's YahooGroups--- new photos
•went to Mugglenet------------------ J.K's finished with Book 7!!
•another part of Mugglenet---------- Dan's daring photos (heard he was criticized by some)
•went to Michel's blog--------------- new haircut, new boots, new tie
•went to PlayStation.com------------ ogled at the PlayStation 3 and PlayStation Portable
•went to TorrentSpy.com------------ downloaded a new movie (Babel)
•Michel's webcam-------------------- she denied me access.. you yaoi-lover you...
•conference with Inno, Ruth and Kam--- miss you guys
•went to Wikipedia.org--------------- researched about Bermuda Triangle (don't know why)
•went to Oscars.com------------------ checked out the nominees (Woohoo! Meryl Streep!)
•went to YouTube-------------------- checked my uploaded video... 589 views baby!! ye!


well, thats about it.. i hope i think of something else to do because if not.... i'm going to kill myself...




oh a razor!!!

Tigers Ready!

Last Wednesday, while Rush, Jhed, Miggy and I were walking along the AMV building after watching a very mediocre play from Artistang Artlets titled aLamat, I bumped in on my high school classmate Day and she told me that there would be no classes for tomorrow as told to her by her classmate who is a friend of a friend of someone from the PSC (Pharmacy Student Council). Rush and I quickly got excited on the prospect of having a stress-free Thursday, exactly on the day of the much awaited Game 2 of the UST-Ateneo basketball match. Of course I was happiest because then I won't have to see that bitch of a professor of mine in History whose curls are like that of an old hag. Thank God I only have to meet her for two more meetings. My hell days would be over and I'd be a jolly person once again. Hurray. Now the bad thing was that even the game was postponed! At first the information was sketchy because text messages of the game being suspended or still underway were circulating and we didn't know which to believe. My classmates even called Ticketnet to ask if the game was still on and they said Yes, the game would still be played at 4 PM tomorrow. But in the morning, as Milenyo made its presence felt at the heart of Metro Manila, ABS-CBN reported on their Flash News that the game was suspended for safety reasons. Talk about perfect timing. My classmates and I already planned to wake up at 6 and go to Araneta around 7 to buy tickets. I was also going to buy Rush, Pam and Miggy tickets but that stupid storm arrived and all hell broke loose. Oh well, maybe Saint Dominic conjured up the storm so that the Tigers could practice some more so that they could growl more tomorrow and scare the hell out of arrogant-baldy Doug Kramer and "dude the nose" Chris Tiu. They move and talk like they're so good when in fact the only good player in Ateneo is JC Intal. Let's just see tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to scream my lungs out and support my beloved Alma Mater.

Now where to find one of those long balloons and tiger ears....

A mighty mighty fountain...

Now we now why our tuition increased this year. Sing with me Thomasians:

"We have a fountain, a mighty mighty fountain!"

I've already seen this wonder last Friday while my friends and I were passing by inside the campus. At first it was only the outside and inside layers of the fountain that were turned on. But while we were happily taking our picture, the high-powered-sky-reaching water in the center was turned on and we were like a bunch of kids watching Barney do a backflip (imagine OOooohhhh! AAaaaaahhhhh!). I never imagined that a fountain would be placed in that area. I thought it was just a big and empty park that just replaced our beloved Colayco for the upcoming Quadricentennial Celebrations. But hey, its a work of art. I like the routine of the water and the exploding sound that it creates when the center water disappears. Rush and Jhed says its just like the one at Market! Market! only smaller. When I saw this beauty last Friday, I had the feeling that it would be turned on on Sunday which is USTET day for graduating students in high school. And turned on it was. The parents waiting at the AB Pav and the Quadricentennial Park were in awe when the waters did their routine. My sister and her classmates were USTET takers that day and they were all amazed with the vastness of UST. I was wearing my uniform that day because I took the LTS final exams at the Engineering Building with Michel. It felt good to walk around the waiting parents and USTET takers making your uniform sway in the wind and brandishing your ID like some kind of magic wand and brag that you are a bonafide student of oh----- The Pontifical and Royal University of Santo Tomas, The Catholic University of the Philippines. While I was waiting for my sister to finish the test, I was looking around the nervous parents of the students and you could read Please let him/her pass on their faces. The noise of the usually chaotic AB Pav was replaced with heartbeats and silent prayers. I felt like I was at the Vatican waiting for the unanimous nod of the College of Cardinals on who should be the next pope. I would have been bored to death waiting for my sister to finish because I have no companion to talk to and no mp3 to listen to, but since the lovely fountain was there, all I did was to find a perfect spot to sit and watch as the Dominicans waste water and showcase their sworn to poverty oath. I just hope that they open it everyday and not just at night so that even the AM classes would be able to appreciate it.

Hey, its there tuition too...